About be a good receiver

The limiting belief that “I would rather be a good giver, but not a good receiver” is not purely a personal wound, but a scar that has been deeply embedded into many of our collective subconscious minds.  

Why we prefer to be a giver/a seemingly selfless sacrificer, but do not feel comfortable to take compliments confidently, and/or proudly admit that our strengths have largely benefited our friends, family, or even random strangers’ lives?  

Well, perhaps four reasons can explain this collective wound.  

Our minds have been negatively conditioned by the unhelpful “lesson” we learned from our parents at a young age: be a good giver who takes care of others’ needs and wants, but do not be greedy by asking too much. “Thanks to” this so-called advice, we have developed the habit of minimizing our needs, compromising our boundaries unfairly, and putting others’ priorities before ours’ again and again. Countless chronic people-pleasers suffer silently mentally.  

We are also afraid of revealing vulnerabilities in front of others, so we neglect our needs and wants. To be vulnerable is to be honest about the fact that sometimes we want to be taken care of by people who matter to us in whatever way we need (e.g., financially, emotionally, or sensually). But what happens if others use our vulnerabilities to attack us by accusing us as needy folks? The fear of be turned down or judged has caused many of us to hide our vulnerabilities by saying “we are good givers, but not good at receiving”.  

Subconsciously, some of us think we are not good enough; therefore, we do not deserve pretty, lovely things in life. So, we feel shy in receiving compliments. But you know what? This is so far from the truth. The truth is, all of the kind souls out there deserve health, abundance, happiness, productivity, and love. Your manifestations are the realist realities out there;). Through consistently thinking in your favor/using positive affirmations, and refuting negative thoughts whenever you can, you will create new, helpful thought patterns that change your life forever. The truth is, you are more than enough. You are good. You are never not good enough.  

The selfishness inside some of us make us develop the toxic habit of taking advantage of vulnerable people with low self-esteem by taking their sacrifices with granted and secretly enjoying that they are not givers, only receivers. This is wrong. The best relationships are the type where all parties involved help one another improve and benefit each other’s lives in some ways. No one should ever sacrifice unconditionally.  

You are more than enough. Cut connections with anyone who expects you to do them favors all the time yet never ever contribute anything meaningful to your life. Keep telling yourself you are worthy of love, respect, money, perfect health, and whatever you heart wants. Whenever you catch yourself thinking of negative thoughts (e.g. I am ugly. How can someone like me attracts an ideal partner?), you mentally correct yourself by saying “no”, and counter the negativity with an exact opposite positive thought (e.g. I am cute. I am beautiful. I am already in a loving relationship with someone who fits me so well.) And you do this again and again. Remember, repetition and persistence are the key to success.  

The next time someone says you good great in your new dress, take the compliment confidently, and say: Awww thank you! You are so kind. I think I look good in this dress too! When your friend appreciates you for how much you have helped them, be proud, and tell them: Thank you so much. I am glad I get to help you as a friend. I am also glad that we both benefit each other’s lives largely.  

Don’t just be a good giver. Instead, be a good giver, and a good receiver as well.